Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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