I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
