sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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