i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
