I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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