and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
