Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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