Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
