Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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