Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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