You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
