what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
