What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Less talking, more tequila
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
