I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
