I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
