The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
