I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
