OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
