I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Welp...herpes.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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