he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
