Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
