Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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