It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
