oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
