based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
