did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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