I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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