In America we eat man semen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
