Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
