I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
