I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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