i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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