that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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