Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
