They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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