almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
