mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
