I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
