was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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