new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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