The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
