how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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