i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
