I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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