Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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