Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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