A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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