Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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