just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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