1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
420 ftw
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
