Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
