He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
