At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
