mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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