Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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