So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
