Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
