tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
