The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
