Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
