If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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