I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
