i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
a search helicopter?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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