I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you will always have a special place in my vag
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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