Just fell off a train. Bad.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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