Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
