I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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