the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
