YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
