i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My penis needs a shock collar
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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