I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
