you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
