is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
