physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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