omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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